Arranged Indian Marriages vs JEE

"Boy should get married before 28 and girl before 25, else it creates problems"

"We spent 19 Lakhs on our daughter's dowry and 2 Lakhs on the marriage functions"

"I wish to save my hair till the day i get married, I don't mind loosing it the very next day"

These are some of the things I have heard off-late from people around and it makes me wonder how we Indians think about marriages. Surprisingly even in the 21st century, Marriage is not an institution, its a "Race", every community has that most eligible bachelor of the talking town who has a 7 figure package, US-visa and that 35 year-old looking face on a 26 year old birth certificate because he slogged it off getting up to that level. Every community also has that 26 year old brat who is yet to prove himself and is taunted by Uncle's about what he is really up to these days!?.

Arranged Marriages today can be easily quoted as When the boy's family meets the girls family, the boy's family likes the girl's family and they live happily ever after. Now I am really not against marriages or arranged marriages, my point is simple,"Why create a race?".

Yes I call it a race, just like IIT-JEE or AIEEE exams where seats are allocated based on rank and quota. Similarly in arranged marriages for Boys, your Annual Package is your Rank and your caste and family wealth are your quota. For girls your caste and family wealth is your rank while your annual package and beauty is your quota.
 
Consequences of the Race:
A recent survey states that over the past four years the divorce rate in Delhi, has almost doubled and is projected to be 32000 by the year 2020. In 2013, Bangalore, the IT hub of India it was recorded that 3,246 cases of divorce were filed in the court that pertain to the IT sector exclusively. It has been estimated Mumbai has shot up to 7,138 in 2014 while cities that are acknowledged for their cultural richness and social values like Kolkata and Chennai, are no less behind. Agro based states like Punjab and Haryana are now seeing an increase of 150% of divorce rate since the last decade. Kerala, known to be the most literate state has experienced an increase of divorce rate by 350% in the last 10 years. 
Source: www.indidivorce.com


The reason is simple, we have become more dynamic, financially stable and less tolerant towards so called "CRAP" in a relationship. Women have evolved now, they do not marry after doing matriculation in "Household" which was a norm 50 years back, a modern woman wishes to have a husband who can give her time, is sensitive and responsible. In 2015, you cannot confine a woman to household chores 365 days a year and expect her to be happy.

The problem i feel lies in the search criteria for marriages, no Indian would tick on the "Sportsman" occupation section for searching groom/bride, horoscope and being a manglik is given more priority than what the actual person really is. Ask any sensible astrologer and he will tell you Horoscope and Nav Grahas(9 planets) are just an Indicator, it doesn't define what the person really is, it just indicates.

You are first judged based on your religion, caste, language, package, family background, Veg-Nonveg and then other superficial characteristics such as Complexion, height, hair, smoke/alcohol and to add cherry on top of it if the boy/girl touches elders feet he is considered having Values(Sanskari Dude). Marriage is supposed to be a connect, a connection of two souls that vow by the holy fire-god to live together and respect each other forever till eternity. If marriages were really made in heaven, God would definitely not try to match such stuff. 

So Who is Gurpreet Subramaniam??

"Do not roam in the Sun, you will become dark like a madrassi", said a grandmother calling out to her 7 year old grandson.

"So you are from Mizoram, which language do you speak there Japanese or Chinese?", s Gujrati Aunty asked a young Mizo who was just too embarrassed to reply and ignored her.

"We want to separate from Andhra Pradesh because their women do not have character", a young Pro-Telangana friend of mine told me once.

"These Bohri's will submit their daughters and wife before that nymphomaniac Aga Khan if he asks", said a muslim friend referring to Aga Khan's visit to India.

Racism runs deep within us Indians apart from the cultural, regional, linguistic and caste barriers already persistent, these were just few of the incidents I came across at some point of time in my life.
So when and how exactly did it start?. Our scriptures set Varnas for people of each working community and your caste was based on Karmah i.e; the work that you do rather than by birth. We Indians took it a step ahead and over the years caste barriers sprouted in the society and became a social evil, No scripture tells us to differentiate among castes or look down upon people of different castes.

Another wave of change in thinking came after the British came to India, post First War of Independence 1857 which initiated from a sepoy mutiny with the theory of Aryan vs Dravidian inscribed in our minds. Now Britain, if we think about it, is barely the size of TamilNadu or Chattisgarh which are the 10th and 11th largest states in India, though they were technologically superior to us owing to the Industrial Revolution in Europe, they lacked the manpower to fight the Indian Empire which was distributed into a large number of princely states. We always blame the British for their "Divide and Rule" policies, but for once we fail to think that our society was, is so subtle that the fabric can be broken any day along religious or caste barriers.

The British taught us that North Indians owing to their fairer complexion are Aryans and South Indians owing to their slightly darker complexion are Dravidians and we believed it, just based on the color. They also taught us that Dravidians were the actual inhabitants of India, Aryans came here from Europe, waged a war and drove them towards south of India. I learnt this theory at school and my mind you if not for the Exams i consider this theory Utter Garbage. There are reasons behind is, the first being Not all Aryans are white and not all Dravidians are Dark, Simple!!!. If you don't believe me just open your eyes and look at people around. I am a second generation Punjabi living in Hyderabad and i can clearly see the advent of pigment change with each generation of my family. Its simple as you move close to the equator heat increases and affects your skin, there is nothing North Indian or South Indian or Aryan/Dravidian about it.

The second reason which makes me feel that this theory is a Hoax, is the fact that Aryan languages are perceived to be Indo-European while Dravidian languages are presumed to be more Sanskrit based, what i call another Victorian Bullshit. If Aryans really fought a battle with Dravidians, the word "Arya" in Telugu/Kannada/Malyalam/Tamil would definitely not mean Righteous, the word has been used since Mahabharata and Ramayana referring to a Righteous person. Several 1000 words such as Vaar(Day),Natya(Dance),Vrat(Fasting) mean the same across all Indian languages, now if Vrat becomes Vratamu in South India that doesn't make it a different genealogy.

There is no proof of the war between Aryans and Dravidians, if Aryans were outsiders why would the adapt the same religion, same caste system, same gods, same religious practices, same attire(Yes, Lungi is worn across India), Apart from the fact that this theory was given by a uneducated Bishop Robert Caldwell in his book "A Political and General History of the District of Tinnevely", who spent his entire life time in Tirunalvelli. This theory was also proved wrong in the 1960s, when genetic anthropologist Stanley Marion Garn proved that the entirety of the Indian subcontinent to be a "race" genetically distinct from other populations.

Nevertheless the Aryan-Dravidian myth did its job, it created barriers between troops in North and South India, when Indians were sent to Andaman and Nicobar they fought among themselves because of the North-South gap, Gandhiji spent his lifetime joining us as Indians(Sachin Tendulkar binds us better), DMK was formed which calls Ram a North Indian and Ravan a south Indian(Now even gods were divided into North and South), DMK also wanted "Dravidanadu", abolishment of Hindi language and raised a Anti-Brahamin sentiment. Bollywood has always shown south indians as loud, Dhoti-clad, dark people with long names and South Indian movies depict North Indians(especially Biharis) as Kurta-Pyjama clad gangsters. Objective fulfilled!

All this so called "Gyan" just proves a simple fact that we Indians cannot see the beauty of other cultures, a website like Bharatmatrimony.com could have been successful only in India. We are so racist that none of our sub-continent neighbors like us. SriLankans think we are power Egoistic(We helped them with 1Lakh Troopes), Bangladeshi's fight with us over water and territory(We helped them in their freedom), Nepali's think we are fake(They claim we fake that we are the land of birth of Buddhism and we depend on their Gorkha Regiments), Maldives(We gave them Trinkat aircrafts, rescued them from PLO-Telam, gave them water) doesn't care much about us, Pakistan doesn't need a mention.

I dream of an India where cultures can be mutually respected, cultures depict our heritage, where religion,caste, creed, gender are treated with dignity(Sant-Banta, Bihari Jokes, Marwari jokes are fine unless you start taking them literally). Our movies show foreigners coming to our country and falling in love with our culture because they have been taught to respect cultures, when we go to other countries we boast of our land and heritage which is good but in our heads we keep thinking about them as people with no culture.

Who really spoilt our Baba's?

"I am ready to believe in God if baba can answer one simple question of mine", quoted a stand-up comedian.
"How does the chain or the watch magically brought by the BABA have a "Made in China" label on it and where is the warranty card for the Watch/Chain?."

I laughed it off then with a sense of slight embarrassment that such Baba's bring to our religion.
Recently I watched the movie "PK" which was also in the news off late for protests by right winged organization who termed the movie being "Anti-Hindu".

"Being Baba" is what i call it, has evolved to become a cult-status, providing lots of fodder to Humorists, be it Baba Nityananda or Asaram Bapu or Baba Ramdev, Nirmal Baba or the recent Guru Ram Rahim Singh, you are bound to find a mockery of them in movies or comedy shows. So i questioned myself , What really happened?, What could have caused  the rise and fall of such God-men?. Why is it that we believe in such Baba's so blindly and when they fail we criticize them?.

The answer lied in the famous portrayal of "Nataraj" by Lord Shiva, Now Lord Shiva is responsible for destruction of the three worlds on dooms-day, if you see any of his Nataraj forms you will find its right foot on a Baby, the left hand represents blessings, right hand represents being patient, left leg in the air represents balance and right foot represents conquering IGNORANCE.

Ignorance has been defined multiple times in our vedas, which can also lead one to the path of destruction and eventually Hell. When we go to a Baba, we expect him to read our palm, understand our problems, seek guidance,provide a solution and we present them with gifts, just like a Doctors appointment. While if that's what we really want, why don't we go to a Psychiatrist? He does the same job, our problem is we expect from the Baba's everything, we expect them to be super-hero's literally, we expect them to know Astrology, Medicine, Psychology while expecting them to miraculously gift a chain or vibhuti or any other gift.

Our scriptures state God is of the Ultimate form, he is the most beautiful, most powerful, most appealing, most infinite, most eternal thing that ever exists. Check Psalm 115:3 in Bible or the first chapter of Srimad Bhagvatam or the first Chapter of Sri Gurugranth Saheb(Akal Purakh

), all of them quote the same thing about God's beauty and power. This should make us question ourselves, should god have to really pull out a chain or a stone to prove himself as god?. That is too Shallow according to God's standards. He is God, not a road side magician.

Our Expectation is what spoils the Baba's of the society, I believe in Idol worship, but Personality worship or Personification worship i believe is wrong. We all know "Bharat Mata" or Telugu Talli, after bifurcation Telangana Talli, to be logical they don't exist, Bharat Mata is just a representation, she doesn't exist anywhere, its just a form given to our land which we use to worship our mother land.I can respect Bharat Mata as my mother country, but i really cant worship her and claim worshiping God, because its wrong, such wrong representations of worship and not respect have lead to temples of Sachin, Rajnikanth, Actress Khushbu have created an empire of 330 Million Gods and Goddesses. They are mortals, they feel pain, respecting your Teacher/Guru is fine but you cant worship and claim your path to heaven/Moksha obviously.

There are other Baba's like Osho, who received more followers once they went out of the country,which has lead to people around the world like Henry Ford, Julia Roberts, George Harrison, Richard Thompson adopting our religion, because they understood the spirituality that lies beneath it. Had such Baba's been in India, they would have spent their life hood receiving questions of  "When will i get married?" or "Will i ever get a chance to go out of country?".

My point is simple, we spoilt the Baba's, we gave them an advantage in life, we gifted them, we gave them a larger than life status and like normal human beings when they took it to another level we blamed them and said "Ye Baba-waba sab dhongi hothe hai".

See a Singh, Salute a Singh

There is a reason behind BORDER being one of my favorite movies, apart from the Guns, Tanks, the Valor, Splendid fight scenes, Sunny Deol  I always thought there is something that sets this movie apart . I must have watched the movie about a 1000 times, and would prefer it over DDLJ, KKHA, 3 Idiots or any other Cult movies people of my generation relish, this was until one day I came across a military tank(U.S made T-59) in the cantonment area about 3 kms from my place. The memorial plate read "Captured by the 23rd Battalion, Punjab Regiment from the pursuing Pakistani Forces at the Battle of Longewala on 8th December, 1971"

I realized to the shock of my life that it was in fact a real story, something like that had actually happened in reality, so i did what every one does out of curiosity, I googled it. The wikipedia page on the Battle of Longewala states Indian strength was 120 soldiers as compared to a Pakistani strength of 2000 soldiers with a backed up tank regiment of 45 tanks and a mobile infantory. Wow! That's a ratio of 17 enemy soldier for every Indian soldier, now this is reality, the movie "300" was a Myth something which may or may not have happened, but this is well documented reality, which was acknowledged by 2 Governments. I had read somewhere once that General Tikka Khan had once stated that "Give us all the Sikh Battalions you have and we will conquer India in 2 days". Now I knew why, 120 soldiers, fighting in a desert against a heavily outnumbered ratio, What would they be thinking? Did they have moments of fear? Did they think for a second what would happen if something happened to them, who would take care of their families?

Our Vedas state "War" brings destruction and should only consorted as the last resort, but War sometimes also gets the best in you, something, some power which one is not aware of, it teaches us to stand for our self , our country, our values, My grandmother has mentioned a story several times that several of our ancestors died saving the life of the 9th Sikh Guru, Guru Tej Bahadur(I don't claim any authenticity over it).

Just like the movie, Major Kuldeep Singh Chandpuri led the charge of 120 Men at Longewal, the attackers indeed had the same plan of "have breakfast at Longewala, lunch at Jaisalmer and dinner at Jodhpur", poor thing they had to run after the breakfast. Another similar aspect was the fact that Lieutenant Dharamveer with 20 soldiers was sent to monitor the enemy party, a job well done. Another similar account was the fact that the Indian Army did layout anti-tank mines intelligently to counter the invasion, it took the Pakistani Army 2 hours to realize that the mines were only superficial and very few in number. 

The Best part of the movie i liked was the confrontation between Major Kuldeep Singh and the opposition party led by Ghulam Dastagir(AKA Lahore da Mashoor Gunda), who asks him to surrender right away or keep the holy priest on standby so that he can perform his last rights. Major Kuldeep Singh replies back by calling him a filthy animal and by stating that only time has the right answer whether his last Ardas would be read or Ghulam Dastagir's inn all illah (Muslim Prayer) would be offered. In reality the attack occurred at 12:30 AM, killing 5 camels and was responded with Pakistan loosing 3 of its American sponsored tanks, Indians were smart enough to use this opportunity to attack the opposing army aiming by the light from the fire and  creating chaos due to the smoke from the fire.


By noon the next day, the assault ended completely, having cost Pakistan 22 tanks, claimed destroyed by aircraft fire, 12 by ground anti-tank fire, and some captured after being abandoned, with a total of 100 vehicles claimed to have been destroyed or damaged in the desert around the post. Now That was a Smart sweep indeed! Indian army lost 2 soldiers, one of them died while planting the land mines. Pakistani army lost 200 soldiers and in the next 8 days half its territory.

All in all, this small battle teaches us a lesson, a lesson that teaches us what Sunny Deol claims as a thin line between Love for the Nation(Watan-Parsati) and Craziness while he stands on the LOC. Most of us life a simple life which is confined to parents, friends, career, life partner, booze, money but life is so much beyond these confined limits, Life is about getting the "High", Sunny deol gets on standing alone at the border and coming back alive.